So many things have gone wrong, you wouldn't believe it...

Hmm, so I haven't blogged since 2012.
What to say? Since July 2012 the following has happened;

My mum died of cancer because she didn't have the chemo because she was a New Age devotee and believed Vit C and reiki would work just as well. I held her hand as she died- only 62 years old and she dies of preventable, treatable cervical cancer. She died 2 weeks to the day before my 2nd surgery.

The doctors fucked up my 1st surgery and I am about to have my 3rd operation in 3 weeks. Oh, and they also fucked up my 2nd surgery a bit too. yay.

I've lost my house painting business, my beautiful Big Cat go hit by a car and died and my other cat Peanut broke both his back legs and required a double femoral osteotomy which cost over $1800 which I still owe $90 on.

And 2 weeks ago my car's alternator died and it's gonna cost over $700 to fix- money I simply don't have- so I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to do about that. It's at the mechanics and I'm hoping to raise a couple of hundred dollars towards the bill so I can pay say $400, pick up my car and then pay the rest off at $100 a week.

As a result of losing partial use of my left leg, and thus my just-registered house painting business, I am now living on a disability pension, all whilst raising my daughter, a rabbit and 2 cats, so I'm constantly broke.

How's that for an update?

My pelvis is plated like woah;
 

Because when they did the LPAO they accidentally broke my ischium and I had non union too, so the ischial tuberosity was unattached to the rest of my pelvis and moved- you can see how much it moved in only 2 months in this x-ray;

The red arrow is the ischial fracture and the blue arrow is the non union


Oh, and they also herniated my bladder when they plated my pelvis, so it pops out like this;

 

My surgery on the 31st of this month will be a bone graft with the insertion of an internal electrical stimulator, plus surgery to fix the herniated bladder.

So obviously I can't train at all and I feel like my life has been totally derailed. I don't know what I'm going to do after these medical procedures are finally at an end- I'm 42 and thought I had found a job that I could do, something that I really enjoyed and that paid well too. And now I'm disabled and on a goddamn pension.

No doubt, this has been one of the roughest 2 years of my life. The only time in my life that was as bad as this was when my partner of 7 1/2 years committed suicide when I was 4 months pregnant, with me finding his body and having to deal with all of that. 

Then my daughter was born weighing 1400gm at 36 weeks and was in NICU for 2 months and my step brother was murdered just after she was born. And during all of this I was also living in emergency housing with terribly violent alcoholics living next door who would wake up my baby and scare me... no doubt that that was one hell of a rough time, probably the roughest, but this current situation is certainly a close second.

NEGL, I kinda wonder what I've done to warrant such consistent ill fortune.

I have a donation button up on my tumblr (skramamme) and some people have been kind enough to donate because I need my car- I can't walk long distances any more and my daughter needs to get to and from school, plus I need it to do the food shopping etc. Being disabled with no car in an area with virtually no public transport is very difficult.

I am so grateful to those who have donated, but I am nowhere near the money I need.

I doubt anyone will even read this, but if you do and want to head over here and either signal boost or throw $5.00 my way I'd be super grateful;

Here's the link to my tumblr page- the donate button is on the far left

Anyway, I will keep this updated as to how I go with the next surgery and so on. Wish me luck <3

Achievements and setbacks

Well I have to say, I'm rather pleased with myself right now. I've been going to crossfit for just on 3 weeks and on Thursday I did this- twice;

Pictured; not me

I'm pretty happy with 2 full rope climbs, although I do wonder how much my years being a pole dancer helped ;)  It was intense and very tiring, especially in my forearms (they felt so pumped, so full) but I managed to touch the rafters on both attempts. Considering my upper body strength is shit and I'm scared of heights I reckon that was quite an achievement. I also scored some wicked bruises and a little bit of rope burn but it was so worth it.

So that was the good. Now the bad;
My surgeon is going away on sabbatical for 6 bloody months in the 2nd week of June and he might not get to me in time. That means my surgery that was supposed to be done by June might not happen until freaking January ;_; And because of the progressive nature of OA (osteoarthritis) there's a good chance that my hip may no longer be healthy enough to be saved by a PAO (periacetabular osteotomy), which is news I'm really struggling to deal with.
There's a lot of reasons I don't want this surgery done in January of next year- it's the height of summer, it's tourist season, it's 9 fucking months away and puts off my recovery until the middle of next winter, when I'm turning 42. I don't want to wait another year and a half to start my life again, I want to do this now so I can get on with getting well. And the idea that I might ruin my hip in the meantime scares the living crap out of me... I am so scared that they'll open me up next year only to find that my hip is beyond saving and that I will have to get a THR (total hip replacement) instead. So yeah, this is bad news. It also means I might have to shelve training too, as deadlifts, squats, olly lifts and so on all put incredible stress on the hip and it could hasten the OA. On the other hand training helps me to manage my depression, so I'm really caught between a rock and a hard place right now.
I've also had to back off the paleo eating as it's just too expensive for me to maintain. I know people go on about how much they save by not eating out but I never do that anyway as I can't afford it (and I have no social life). People also say stuff like "but think how much you'll save in the long run with your health!" umm, dude, I can't put petrol in my car to get my kid to school if I eat like this. In other words, I don't think these people actually understand what it's like to live on the poverty line.
I am, however, very interested in the I.F (intermittant fasting) approach to getting lean as it sounds similar to the way I like to eat- I was told for so many years that I needed to eat breakfast or I'd ruin my metabolism so I forced myself to eat, even though I really struggled with it, and here's a method that advocates doing what I did instinctively. It also allows grains and so on which would also suit my financial situation better than paleo too. So we shall see...
And just to prove that age is no reason to quit, here's a lady who is still a bad ass, blue rinse and all;

 awesomesauce