Achievements and setbacks

Well I have to say, I'm rather pleased with myself right now. I've been going to crossfit for just on 3 weeks and on Thursday I did this- twice;

Pictured; not me

I'm pretty happy with 2 full rope climbs, although I do wonder how much my years being a pole dancer helped ;)  It was intense and very tiring, especially in my forearms (they felt so pumped, so full) but I managed to touch the rafters on both attempts. Considering my upper body strength is shit and I'm scared of heights I reckon that was quite an achievement. I also scored some wicked bruises and a little bit of rope burn but it was so worth it.

So that was the good. Now the bad;
My surgeon is going away on sabbatical for 6 bloody months in the 2nd week of June and he might not get to me in time. That means my surgery that was supposed to be done by June might not happen until freaking January ;_; And because of the progressive nature of OA (osteoarthritis) there's a good chance that my hip may no longer be healthy enough to be saved by a PAO (periacetabular osteotomy), which is news I'm really struggling to deal with.
There's a lot of reasons I don't want this surgery done in January of next year- it's the height of summer, it's tourist season, it's 9 fucking months away and puts off my recovery until the middle of next winter, when I'm turning 42. I don't want to wait another year and a half to start my life again, I want to do this now so I can get on with getting well. And the idea that I might ruin my hip in the meantime scares the living crap out of me... I am so scared that they'll open me up next year only to find that my hip is beyond saving and that I will have to get a THR (total hip replacement) instead. So yeah, this is bad news. It also means I might have to shelve training too, as deadlifts, squats, olly lifts and so on all put incredible stress on the hip and it could hasten the OA. On the other hand training helps me to manage my depression, so I'm really caught between a rock and a hard place right now.
I've also had to back off the paleo eating as it's just too expensive for me to maintain. I know people go on about how much they save by not eating out but I never do that anyway as I can't afford it (and I have no social life). People also say stuff like "but think how much you'll save in the long run with your health!" umm, dude, I can't put petrol in my car to get my kid to school if I eat like this. In other words, I don't think these people actually understand what it's like to live on the poverty line.
I am, however, very interested in the I.F (intermittant fasting) approach to getting lean as it sounds similar to the way I like to eat- I was told for so many years that I needed to eat breakfast or I'd ruin my metabolism so I forced myself to eat, even though I really struggled with it, and here's a method that advocates doing what I did instinctively. It also allows grains and so on which would also suit my financial situation better than paleo too. So we shall see...
And just to prove that age is no reason to quit, here's a lady who is still a bad ass, blue rinse and all;

 awesomesauce

Paleo, eating disorders and raising healthy kids

I haven't blogged for a few days as I've been flat out working, training, looking after Sophia and generally trying to fit 24 hours worth of activity into 12. But I really feel a need to put this out there as I'm feeling a bit conflicted at the moment.
To be honest I've been feeling a little overwhelmed by the whole paleo trip; I feel like I've never cooked so much or thought about food so much in my life. The last time I was this focused on my eating habits I was in the midst of an eating disorder and I do worry that this is veering rather close to the obsessive attitudes I had back then.
I am also struggling with the idea of raising my daughter in this lifestyle for a number of reasons, some of which I've outlined below;
First off, we never drink soft drinks (soda) and we don't go heavy on highly processed foods, we're not big on lots of dairy and try to eat a healthy, well rounded diet (by Western standards). So it's not like we are coming from a place of take away food and cola.
On the other hand we both enjoy the odd chocolate biscuit or lollipop, my daughter has the odd drink of juice (too sweet for me) and sometimes we eat some chips or popcorn, but it's far from being the bulk of our food intake and we're just as likely to have watermelon or greek yogurt with raw honey and nuts for a treat or snack.
My daughter gets multigrain or wholemeal sandwiches for lunch and toast for brekkie, she enjoys my pasta dishes (and no wonder- I'm a good cook) and she loves rice. I have recently cut out grains in my diet but it's so expensive eating high protein that I don't know how long I can afford to maintain it. The reality is that pasta or rice can stretch 1 chicken fillet into 3 or 4 meals and that's kinda important when you live on 22k a year (and rent alone is around 12k).

Another thing to remember is that my daughter was a severe IUGR baby, weighing in at less than 1400 grams at 36 weeks-  she was actually the size of a 29 week gestation baby when she was born.  So, physically speaking, she has always been on the small side.

Hell, she wasn't even on the growth chart for the first year of life and remains a very slender girl at 8 years of age. I mean, she's not scrawny at all, she has good muscle mass, but she's pretty lean and always has been.


In other words neither of us are obese or anywhere near it and my daughter's IUGR means that she is unlikely to ever be so. So is it fair of me to restrict her dietary intake of things like brown rice, legumes, pasta and bread because I want to drop body fat?

And speaking of body fat levels, do I want to risk going back to this? because the physical ideal I am striving for may have more muscle, but she's still lean as fuck.
Is it even possible to reach these goals without engaging in disordered behaviour?

So I feel very torn at the moment;
Do I want my daughter to fear sugar? Do I want her to see food as "good" or "bad"? Because that's how I saw food when I was starving myself and that's one legacy I don't want to pass on- I don't really know how to overhaul our eating habits without demonising certain foods, and that worries me.

I guess what I am trying to figure out is where do I draw the line? At what point do my personal choices regarding diet impact on my daughter's right to enjoy a "normal" childhood?

Pumpkin soup

Ok basic pumpkin and sweet potato soup-
Dash of olive oil
Diced onion
Freshly grated ginger (around an inch or so)
A few cloves of garlic, crushed
Chicken stock or veggie stock (water's fine if you prefer, just adjust seasoning accordingly)
1 or 2 sweet potatoes peeled and cut into evenish sized chunks
1/2 to 1 medium sized pumpkin (i used 1/3 each of butternut, jap and some other variety) cut into chunks
Garam masala, all spice, sea salt, cayenne pepper and black pepper to taste

Saute onion in olive oil over low/medium heat until soft and transparent, add garlic and ginger, stir
Add pumpkin and sweet potato, stir
Add stock/water, stir and reduce heat
Bring to very slow simmer and stir occasionally until pumpkin etc is soft
Allow to cool and then blend until smooth
Place back in pot to heat and add spices, salt and pepper to taste
Serve hot with a bit of crumbled bacon on top :D

Tip; I buy cut pumpkin because i can see the colour, which should be rich and deep